Change

While this may be a post better suited to Wistful Wednesdays, here it comes anyway. Here we are coming to the end of the first quarter of the year already. Where has the time gone right?

For my part its been a very strange start to the year. Lots of things different - way more different experiences than ones to which I'm accustomed. And for me, I've screwed up some things so far this year, in ways of which I never dreamed myself capable. And that's not good change.

As some of you know, I'm not a big fan of change. I like things how they are and pretty much thrive on that kind of lifestyle. It comforts me, knowing when I wake up everyday, that very few things (if any) will be different. Realistically though, over time I do know that things change slightly. Generally speaking I'm ok with that. Because those are the kinds of things to which you can make small adjustments. They aren't *biggies*.

Its sudden unexpected, out-the-blue-"ka-blammies" that I'm not so good with anymore and perhaps I never have been. And yeah I worry too much as well. Someone once told me that's "part of my charm" ... And another someone told me that "too much thinking gets you all in knots". Yeah I can relate to that last one, though regarding the first, I've never realized I had any particular charm. Speaking of worry though, I can't change the way I am. Take me or leave me, this is Rob.

Remember the guy from the movie Office Space? The one who said "I'm very good with people"? I guess I'm not. I try to be a good communicator. I try to be the funny guy who always lightens the mood. (Yes people actually tell me I'm funny, not self-complimenting there). But when the funny guy is "down" and feeling super-duper-alone; who cheers him up? The truth is sometimes its nobody. And I guess this happens to everyone.

And today is a day that I need someone to tell me "its gonna be okay" or "the things which you worry having changed, really are the same, so don't worry" .. any of those combinations would be great. So here is my question.

Is it wrong for a "guy" to need this kind of encouragement? Does it make a man less manly to "care" and show it? Do guys worry and tell their friends about it? Does it make us "sissies" if we do?

Regarding the sissy perspective, why don't you come ask me about that one? I'll explain that to you in short order as I'm in no mood for my "manliness" to be questioned today. :)

So then finally, should we as guys just suck "things/problems" up and deal with them in quiet, manly solitude?

See these are all questions I'd ask my Dad if the jerk had stayed around. But now instead I reach out to those one or two closest to me, probably looking like a big dummy nearly at all times, but nonetheless needing some help. And writing it here contributes to my well-being even though its just to organize my thoughts, regardless of no true answers coming from it.

Okay thats enough writing for now. Maybe more later. I expect I'll be up late again "thinking". Sorry this post is weird sounding and out of sorts in its "feel".

But that's exactly how I feel today. Weird, alone, out-of-sorts, and with much unwelcome and awkward change.