Man Sandwich

Here is part two of, funny stories about me in the workplace. As mentioned in a previous post, these are to be all silly stories, starring moi, and my misadventures as a computer geek. And now to satiate your appetite, I bring you ...

Man Sandwich
Back at one of my previous employers is from where this story comes.

Ah we were a rag-tag bunch of developers. Full of grit, spit, and grit .. and spit .. and well there was a lot of spit. Our database administrator was a good dude named Ramakrishna Kotagiri. We called him Krishna for short, plus it saved wear and tear on our lips/tongue/tiny brains. Seriously, he just went by that shortened version of his name.

Krishna brought his own brand of humor to our group and he gave the trouble out nearly as good as he got it. And if you've not yet guessed, Krishna is from India.

So one day, we had been joking around - the mood was one of high spirits - most likely the bosses were gone for the day or something, not that that stopped us from having a laugh when the occasion called for it. We were always quick to have some fun at work.

Anyway, I was standing at a friends cubicle, diligently leaning on it ... aka holding down the wall lest it float away ... and another friend of ours walked up to stand beside me and yack for awhile. There we were, three pasty white programmers prattling away about much ado of which I assume amounted to nothing.

And Krishna comes strolling over.

Now the two of us that were leaning on the cube wall were nearly shoulder to shoulder. Krishna wedges himself between us (as stated he liked to give us trouble but had his own way of going about it). There was the typical good-natured guy fun of shoving each other around, trying to keep Krishna from edging his way in there ... I think you can see where this is going ... and then suddenly we moved apart and there he was between us, shoulder to shoulder ... to shoulder.

I was left-most in the lineup. Suddenly, I had one of my rare moments where I can't keep my mouth shut as I gazed to my right, evaluating our standing order in regards to color and I uncontrollably blurted out, "Hey look, Roast Beef on White!"

Ever have one of those times where you could almost see the words coming out and you wished you could grab them, stuffing them back in your mouth *before* someone could register their being spoken?

Yeah me too.

So realizing for the one-millionth time in my life, that you can't get words back once they are out, I paused for one horrific second, I'm sure the blood draining from my already pale face - and then everybody, yes Krishna included, starting laughing their butts off at me.

I nearly died as I leaned on Krishna briefly, laughing, apologizing and frevently hoping he'd not go to HR with news of my blundering blabbering.

Thankfully he didn't. And thus was born our own special Man Sandwich. And another story starring me as Goof #1.

The End

Rare spawn Saturday: When the Movies Come Out

Yes here I am on the weekend. As my post title implies this is a rare thing. For the next few posts I have a little plan of telling several funny stories - starring yours truly - woven around really dumb things my friends have caught me in at work. Oh yeah, I realize it's hard to believe that I'm not always Mr Cool. However if you believe I'm Mr Cool then clearly you'd never gotten to know me yet :)

Now on with our first story.

When the Movies Come Out

(The front cover of our storybook opens, the first page turns ..)

A few years back my friends Tom, Fred, Frank and I were discussing new movies that were coming out soon which we wanted to see. Although I can't really remember which movie it was that someone mentioned, I believe it was Tom, that asked, "Oh yeah when does that one come out?" It was a movie we all desperately wanted to see.

There was a pause, a palpable anticipation as we all searched for the answer. The tension mounted as each of us sensed that whosoever held the answer to that innocently posed question, took not only credit as holding the title of "Movie Guru" but the rest of would hold that other friend in high regard for all time. Clearly, the balance of power was precarious situated on the edge of knife - the slightest shift forever affecting the fate of all - by the words of one.

Emboldened I spoke with confidence that can only be born of the combination of pure ignorance and an overestimation of the importance of the situation. "C'mon guys, all movies are released on Wednesdays."

However stupid, that in and of itself wasn't so bad, however a ridiculous statement it may have been. It was what happened next that morphed my goofy answer from unusual to epic in it's proportions of wrongness.

My friends turned as one to tease me and laugh at that pathetic answer. Grabbing the only tool I had as a defense, I latched onto my Golden Shovel of Stubbornness and begin to dig myself such as hole, as to never be equaled again. Yes in my desperate attempt to know all about all things movies, I ... defended ... that ... ridiculous .. answer .. I'd .. just ... given.

Sigh.

You can imagine how the situation devolved after that. It really was the classic situation of the pack turning to consume the weak. In other words it was just us guys having fun. And to this day, whenever a movie release date is mentioned, I'm the "guru" they turn to .. not so much for a real answer .. but just to rend me again.

And no, our hero did not learn his lesson in this story. There are others to come in the following days. Tales of intrigue and subterfuge - nah dorkiness - that only yours truly can pull off.

(And the final page turns, the back cover of our storybook closes.)

The End.

What am I/Where am I doing?

Mondays are confusing for computer nerds. Having briefly tasted the freedom of life outside the cubicle, we sit, slumped surreptitiously in our cubicles, hiding in the solace of our MP3 players looking, despite all our techno-brilliance, dazed and confused.

I mention confusion because after the bombardment of a week of user requirements, programming updates, team meetings, database issues and then – BAM – The Weekend.

Total and complete freedom.

Unfettered and unordered after a week of nothing but schedules, order, and SOPs.

For you see, true nerds, true geeks, do not shift gears very fast. We thrive on the order of the day, things being in the same place each time. These are the building blocks of our world. When 71.4% of your week is set in a certain way it is easy to get stuck in that gear. And for people of our personality type, the type that keeps the world’s technology running, it’s actually a comfort. For us analytical types, regardless of our ability to project plan, it’s difficult to change gears from ‘order’ to ‘freedom’. We thrive on an ordered schedule.

It is an irony of note, that even though we employ great powers of programming all the week long, the one computer we cannot restructure, the one code-base we cannot rewrite and recompile is … ourselves. Thus we are left with the issue of our continued need for structure, which we cannot change.

So going from The Weekend .. the ability to be outdoors, experience sunshine, fresh air … back to Geekdom .. a large province containing Nerdtopia, the high capitol of all of Code-tasia … well you never get used to it.

You’d think you would but you don’t.

And it’s why I blogged as such. As I look around this morning it really is much like my post title implies. For a time, each Monday morning, everything is mixed up. That is until we realize – all of us little square pegs, back in our little square holes – are right where we need to be. Back in the familiarity of our databases, web pages, requirements documents, and yes even meetings we dislike attending - tis all part of who we are, what we do.

We are computer nerds.

And occasionally, just occasionally, during the 71.4% of our living week … we even make time to save the world.

SWEET SWEET SWEET!

I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M A HAPPY HAPPY MAN! TOMORROW I WILL BE BACK ONLINE AT WORK ... WHY? WHY? CAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M SURFING THE INTERNET THROUGH MY PHONE, USING IT AS A WIRELESS, HIGH-SPEED MODEM FOR THIS LAPTOP!

THIS MEANS I CAN NO LONGER BE BLOCKED FROM THE INTERNET AT WORK. THE GENIE IS OUTTA THE BOTTLE AGAIN. I FEEL THE FORCE FLOWING!

SWEET YUMMY VICTORY OF STICKING IT TO THE MAN!!!!!

JUMPS UP AND DOWN ... BUTT WIGGLE ... WHOO HOO!!!!!

Ok ... pant pant pant .. wheeze ... here is the backstory. Recently at work they decided to lock down our internet access. I could no longer visit blog sites, except through google reader, and that was like observing animals at the zoo (okay not the best analogy but I'm in too big of a hurry to think of better. Basically I just mean there was no interaction anymore with blogging. It sucked major .... eggs. Ahem.

So after much deliberation my wife and I decided to upgrade my cell phone plan to unlimited internet usage. We just juggled some other things and "traded money" to pay for it without incurring additional expense. Now, with this laptop I can work on the internet ....

Wherever i have a cell phone signal :)

Omg. Just think of that.

So tomorrow, I'll be back on Google Talk and not that crappy Fring I've been using.

Oddly enough I have Jennifer to thank for this. No, not that ubr-blogger pal-o-mine, the tech support Jennifer from AT&T. She was super-geeky and helped this geek get back online.

/cheers to Jennifer the AT&T Support Goddess!

Blurbs from the Burbs: Team meeting

Today during our really super fun team meeting .. or as I like to call it ... Super Happy Fun Time, I jotted down a quick conversation I observed between two other folks on the team. Yes I'm writing down other people's conversations in order to poke fun of it on my blog. Hopefully there is a pill to cure me.

Now check this out ... :)

Person 1: Did you guys have a staff meeting this week?
Person 2: Oh tomorrow?
Person 1: It was rescheduled right?
Person 2: Yeah yeah.

Ok. I dare you to try and make that make sense to me. Sometimes I wonder if people even listen to each other when they speak. Three questions. One answer. Blows me away. And I laugh about things like this in private ALL the time.

I mean watching this was like seeing two people on the phone sitting near one another but talking to separate people. Then its like you're hearing one end of two different discussions and they *nearly* matched up. It was hilarious. Guess you had to be there.

Honestly I wish you had been. It would have been more fun :)