Resolution update

Well today after long weeks of changing the way I eat, as well as getting more reasonable active, I've reached a milestone. I've a long ways to go yet before I'm gonna be comfy with myself around others. However, I don't think I'm going to go nearly as far as I first intended when I began this little journey to there being less of me around.

I think my first evaluation will come near the end of next month when I should be back down to the weight/size I was when I got married. After 14 years of marriage, and my wife putting up with my weight gain, its really nice to be able to see that I can get back to that. Just reaching that goal will be awesome.

When I do get there I'll be ready to look ahead to see if there is something on the horizon for which to work toward or if I'm done. But enough about weight loss. How are my other resolutions doing? Let's check.

Am I coasting through life or paying better attention as I said I would? (Well some of you may have to help me here, but I think I'm doing better on this. I certainly haven't forgotten to work on this).

Worrying less about what others think of me. (This is hard for me. With friends, to family, to work folks, I really worry far too much. I need to remember that the people who care about me, care about me genuinely and always will like they've said. I need to stop trying so hard in making sure they still like me and just be "me", the person they liked to begin with).

I will create and write more. (This I'm doing well on. I write regularly on here, I write down my dreams now and random things which I keep on my computer at home. I have other private blogs which I'm part of with friends and family .. and I'm loving every minute of all that).

Medium to large projects around the house. (I'm guilty of procrastinating here. I've done some stuff but I need to do far more. Sorry honey, I'm still working on this).

Being satisfied with my current level of "stuff" and reducing what I do have. (This is coming along nicely and there is more to do. I hope Heather isn't losing patience with me here but I recently read a book that has changed me in this area again and I think there is far more we can do as a family to live a "lesser" but better lifestyle).

I will make less emotional decisions/have less emotional conversations than I have in the past. (Again I need to work on this. Sometimes I feel as though I open up the ol' heart too fast and too much, then later look like a goofball. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm debating on whether to cinch some things up in that regard, not sure).

Be more assertive. (This has been going well and I like the change. My bestest pal has helped me out very much here, having more of an impact on my life than they could ever know).

Speak and write more efficiently (Yep) ... haha

Listen more to advice from my friends and family. (This is going really well. I LOVE the communication which is fast becoming like a drug. After a good long lifetime of being closed off to a lot of advice, it's nice to have that input).

So there is my update on how things are going with the ol' resolutions. Tune in tomorrow when, from Castle Horton, our hero ... posts again.

A dangerous time

Okay I can't stop talking about my weight loss resolution. This blog helps me apparently so I'm sorry you all must endure another post this after the last one. A "real" Friday post is coming later today I promise but for now, I need to get this out.

Well its official.

It's time for these pants to travel; to Good Will or something. The jeans I've been wearing no longer fit. But this is a good thing because now they are too big for me. I won't cry to see them on their out my door. And I hope I never need them again.

The weight loss is still going really well. I do so miss my lovely carbs but I miss my larger waist far less. To put it in Bilbo's terms and using his famous phrase for my own needs: "I don't know half of me half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of me half as well as it deserves."

I sure like Bilbo.

And so, I have tightened the belt another notch today which means that's two of them so far that I'd lost ground with but it is has now been reclaimed. And it feels really nice.

But weight loss at this stage is much like the following conversation between Obi-Wan and Luke on Dagobah ...
Luke: I feel the Force!
Obi-Wan: But you cannot control it. This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the Dark Side of the Force.

With weight loss, once I start having really good success and the compliments start rolling in; I'm very tempted to ease up. It's happened before. I've had my own "failure at the cave" just like Luke did, giving in to emotion. In those times, its always ultimately ended with me finding again, the weight that was lost while at the same time discovering more to ride with me.

I intend for that not to happen this time. I have different motivations now that run deeper than ever before so perhaps this time, the anchor will hold.

Here's hoping.

Resolution update

"Like most of the rest of America I intend to lose some excess baggage. However, I intend to do this through small, honest changes that I can live with and not set myself up to fail by measuring myself to a false standard."

Well I thought I should pen a paragraph here (or several) using my endless supply of virtual ink. I'm sitting here at work listening to Diana Krall and as her music relaxes me, I normally find the urge to write something or at least think of doing so.

With that in mind, I thought an update on one of my resolutions is in order. Honestly I hadn't planned on doing anything like this with my resolutions. But then I got to thinking ... the best way to make sure I complete them is to pay attention to them right? And what better way to do that than out here in the blogosphere?

So here goes.

The most uncomfortable thing for me to talk about in my life is my weight. I do still worry about what people think of me in that regard; always have. Thusly every area of my life is affected by it (personal, work, etc). See, I don't have what you might call a "quiet mind". Tis a swirl of constant thought and although being outwardly quiet comes as easy to be as breathing ... it's hard for me to be quiet "inside". So the impressions my appearance makes upon others is a struggle to ignore at times.

So. How have I been doing with this? Really really excellent with the weight loss actually.

A little over 6 lbs since last Friday the 9th. I have a long ways to go before I'm comfy though. At my age, I have no desires anymore to be a 6 pack abs kinda guy either. I'll never be Brad Pitt for sure. And I figure I shouldn't try. Heck the world and perhaps a few people I know need a good Rob Horton around just like they need a Brad Pitt :)

So with that said I'll be comfy, when I feel good in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Pretty much my only goal; I'm a simple fella at heart. I'm no clothes-hound to be certain.

You may be wondering what in the world am I doing to lose 6 lbs this fast. Well I started the South Beach Diet. I don't intend to make it a lifestyle either, otherwise I'd never be able to fully enjoy food again. But I needed a spark to put me in the right frame of mind to finish. That's all I'm using it for.

I will say that giving up carbs sucks. I have about 2 1/2 more weeks of nearly no carbs allowed and no sugars at all. Mind you, this is in DIRECT contrast to my instincts and how I like to normally live. I miss carbs, I miss grabbing a recipe from anybody's site and trying it out. I miss it a LOT, lol

But as I said I needed a spark and also I'm impatient with things like this, so fast weight loss works for me, lol I lose it very easily once I get started so getting started was my big hurdle.

And this is helping.

I intend to get back to body-weight exercises this week. I'm not a big believer anymore in pounding the weights and stuff like that. Rather I've switched in recent years to a more Eastern philosophy when it comes to exercise. Personally I think the East is FAR far ahead of the West, generally speaking, when it comes to knowledge about the body and what makes it tick.

So I feel as though this is rambling on without a of of actual information and that means its time to apply the proverbial brakes. :)

Last thing though ... If I hear you thinking out there .. well how much do you need to lose Rob? What's your weight and what's your goal weight?

Ah well, I'll keep that private for now at least in regards to my blog. But you can ask me if you know me IRL and I'll talk about it. I don't mind that. I'm just not ready to post those numbers until I'm done or nearly done.

I'll check back in on this subject from time to time; tis good to get this out. I love blogging for this kind of personal therapy, even if it's just for me.

See me later!

Resolutions

Each year for maybe the past 4 years I've come up with or perhaps have been inspired by the Big Guy with a phrase for our family. A word or other short inspiration that during the course of the coming year, it seems that we need to focus on.

Generally speaking these have never turned out to be what I expect but have always "come true" if you will. For this year I think our phrase will be "coming up to breathe". Yes I realize there is a song by that title. Too bad. It's a good phrase and very much describes what I think this year needs to be about for our family.

Here's part of a verse ...

I'm coming up to breathe
Oh, I'm coming up to breathe
I've held my breath for all my life
But I am breaking free tonight
And I'm coming up to breathe

I think this sums it all up very nicely.

My resolutions:
For a very long time I've been resting on my laurels, virtually coasting through life. This year I've determined to "try" more at everything. To pay better attention to my work, my marriage, my friendships. This isn't to run myself ragged but rather to pay focused attention to my surroundings. To be involved. To "wake up" more if you will. See my post on intellectual inhibitions for more answers on what this means to me.

I will worry less about what others think about me, the things I've said, and whether my life or anything else about me "measures up" to some phantom standard.

Like most of the rest of America I intend to lose some excess baggage. However, I intend to do this through small, honest changes that I can live with and not set myself up to fail by measuring myself to a false standard. (See last resolution.)

I will write and create more.

There are several medium to large projects around the house that need my attention. This year they will get done and this will help put my soul a bit more at ease.

I will work to be satisified with not just my current level of "stuff" but with less. Eliminating clutter is a big goal of mine and paring my life down to what I can honestly maintain will be key. This includes pretty much everything from top to bottom in my life and not just physical clutter.

I will be more assertive with everybody and not be hestitant to say what I feel or believe is right. I'm sure I'll do this wrong at times but I'm kinda tired of always thinking that what I feel doesn't matter to anyone else at all. This will be especially important at work.

I will make less emotional decisions/have less emotional conversations than I have in the past. Although I'm a logical kind of guy, I do get carried away sometimes with emotion; I guess I inherited that from momma somehow. But this is a good year to stop that and quit embarrassing myself all the time, tis just no fun believe me, lol

In my writing and speaking I'm going to make a concerted effort to say more but with less words.

I will listen more to advice from friends and family. And that includes concerning these resolutions. If there is something here you don't want to see change in me, tell me so, let's talk about it.