Warrior Dash 2011!

Warrior Dash 2011

Just finished Warrior Dash, first one ever for me and my wife, and boy it was great!  Here is a little back-story on *why* I did this and also the breakdown of our day (complete with pics).

First, a little back-story.

If you're reading this and if you know me at all, you're at least a bit familiar with my personal weight-loss journey.  The following is the short version, for those of you who may not know.  About a year or so ago, I started taking my health seriously.  Weight-loss was a good start, I figured.  And so I started.  As of right now, I've lost 70lbs but I still have more to go.

So there is that.

Also if you know me, you know that I promote the Body By Vi 90-Day Challenge.  I've used the convenient protein shakes for breakfast that have went along with, and helped me stay on track with, my primal nutrition.  Changing my mindset about food and it's roll in my life has led to the weight-loss success that I've had.  Primal nutrition and lifestyle has been my focus and the Body By Vi Challenge has provided the convenience for me to stay on track. 

So there is that too :)

Where does Warrior Dash fit into all this you may ask?  Well you may not be asking, but I'm assuming you did otherwise I couldn't continue this post and since I am, it must mean I'm guessing you asked :)

After losing much weight I just wanted to do "something" that kinda puts an exclamation mark in things.  My friend Fred, talked to me about Warrior Dash and I was immediately hooked.

Now Warrior Dash isn't really for the timid.  Its a 3-mile obstacle course with barriers that include cargo-net climbs, fire, mud-crawls and barbed-wire.  GREAT fun!  I highly recommend it.

So Rob, did you train for this?  Cause it sounds pretty tough.

Er, um ... ah .. yes and no.  I started training for it and then shiny things in life happened.  Before you know it, the day of the dash was here with me wondering if I was going to even survive this thing or not. 

THREE miles?  I'd never ran farther than a mile in my life.

But this isn't grade-school gym class I realized.  I didn't HAVE to run the entire way and my goal was completing the course, doing every obstacle .. sort of a scouting mission to see how much I liked this type of run.  I wasn't worried about winning it because a *win* in my mind was just getting through it.  And I have my friend Fred to thank for keeping me on track with that kind of thinking (thanks man).

Plus I got to go with my wife who surprised me by wanting to do this with me.

With my wife joining up, it DID cause us to do some training as a family.  Which led to games in our yard, more family and fun.  That's always a good thing!

All in all Warrior Dash was amazing-ubr-cool-super-fun with a generous dollup of mud!

For those of you still reading here is a breakdown of the barriers along with what pics we have of before and after shots :)



Barricade Breakdown
What this was:
This was a fairly simple barrier.  Four-foot walls that you jump/fall over, followed immediately by barbed wire that you crawl under.  Repeat about 5 times.

How we fared:
Pretty good.  We'd ran a bit over a mile at this point at had some water.  Running through the woods/fields over our first mile was fun and I think we were pretty jazzed up about our first obstacle.  I found that a jump-butt-down-spin-move on the wall was effective followed by much grunting as I lumbered under the barb wire trying to keep my butt out of it.


Chaotic Crossover
What this was:
The tension mounts a bit higher as we come up to a horizontal cargo net.  Climb up to the net's level, then crawl, roll and somehow get across.

How we fared:
Again really well.  Still fairly fresh (though I'm certain our armpits were a testament to the contrary) this wasn't bad.  Both my wife and I wear "those toe shoes" .. otherwise known as the coolest shoes on the planet.  I felt those gave us a significant advantage in mobility.  You could really feel the cargo neat beneath your feet and even hold on with your toes as needed.

Assassin's Escape
What this was:
This was basically run/climb up a set of stairs then slide down the fireman's pole at the other side.

How we fared:
Nailed it.  Heather and I both wondered why some folks seemed to struggle with this one.  Basically though we just stepped on their bodies and ran to the next obstacle (I'm only kidding, we didn't step on anybody, we just kicked them to the ditch).

Teetering Traverse
What this was:
Narrow ramps, up high.  Think ramps to a chicken-coupe but 5 feet off the ground.

How we fared:
Again we nailed this one.  I'd seen videos of this on YouTube and clearly too many city-folks have never climbed around on the farm.  This was easy and we simply jogged across it.

Great Warrior Wall
What this was:
A vertical rope climb wall with some footholds.  We were concerned about this one.

How we fared:
This took some strength out of us but was still doable.  The knots on the rope weren't very close together so you had to have some grip strength to get up that wall.  The footholds made it much easier.  Not being a *huge fan* of heights though, flipping over the wall at the top to grab the ladder rungs on the way down was a tad unnerving.

Storming Normandy
What this was:
Military styled "X" barricades with barbed-wire.   Basically barb n' weave is the ticket here.

How we fared:
Starting to feel the course at this point.  Basically bear-crawled most of the way through this one.  Picture guy at the end, so make that exit from the barbed-wire count!

Giant Cliffhanger
What this was:
Big wall.  Climb hard or go home.

How we fared:
We climbed hard. This was a big wall .. just big.  Probably 25 feet or so.  Again our Vibrams gave us fantastic feel/traction on the ascent.  Other regular-shoe-wearing folks were slipping back down.  We ambled right up it though, gingerly flipped over the top, and climbed down.  Tall obstacle, not for those with serious height-issues.

Satan's Steps
What this was:
Sheets of plywood, centered over 4x4 posts which were loosely set in the ground.  You had to jump from post to post, landing as close to center as possible, so you could stay stable.  Jumping near the edge of the plywood might make you fall 5 to 6 feet to the ground while being scraped up by the plywood as you pass it.

How we fared:
Not bad. This was a mental thing really.  Though if you have short legs like my lovely wife, it can be a challenge to leap that far. The guy who nearly ran her over though (jerk) didn't seem to have a problem with the obstacle.

Deadman's Drop
What this is:
Big ladder on one side, splinter-laden plywood to slide down on the other side.

How we fared:
Not too shabby.  The climb up was easy enough.  The slide down the other side, well you just had to be careful.  I held on with my hands, facing the plywood wall, for as long as I could, bunching my feet up under me.  Once I got low enough I just kicked away from the wall, spun in mid-air, and landed.  My coolest move of the day so I had to outline it here :)

Cargo Climb
What this was:
Big, big cargo net climb.  Up one side and down the other.

How we fared:
This is the first of the last three obstacles.  Finish line is in site at this point.  So the energy comes rushing back.  Once again, the ability to feel things with your feet is awesome with Vibrams.  Someone ran past me saluting the Vibrams even and he was wearing some too.

Warrior Roast
What this was:
Fire.  Jump high or chestnuts roasting comes early this year.

How we fared:
You're breathing hard and there is a good deal of smoke.  Other than that, this was easy to do.

Muddy Mayhem
What this was:
Very large, deep, mud pit.  Crawl through it because the barbed-wire over your head give you no other choice.

How we fared:
Not bad really.  The mud was deeper than you'd expect.  Just kinda crawled/swam through it all.  Was COLD though :)  Also this is a capped off by a small mud-hill where, for the spectators amusement I'm sure, you can attempt to (unsuccessfully for most) climb the hill without falling on your tookus. :)

Bonus pics of the aftermath!

Conclusion
Warrior Dash is a MUST do.  You don't have to be in ubr-shape for this.  And if you, like me, want to either kick off the last leg of your weight loss or just start a challenge, then Warrior Dash is a great way to go about it!

Do you hear what I hear?

It's coming closer.

Colder weather ... sweaters and sweatshirts ... the Holidays ... and my favorite .. snow :)  I just love this time of year.  At September's close (geez that sounds like a cheap-romance, book title), the door just seems to open to childhood again. 

For some, they feel that way about Spring or Summer.  But Fall and Winter are my emotional home.  When other folks get down in the dumps by what they refer to as the dreariness, I become energized.  Does that make me strange?  (No Rob, that's not why you're strange) .. ahem, I heard that.

So I just wanted to wave hello to my favorite time of year.  You're not quite visible yet, but if I listen close, I can hear your distant footsteps crunching down the gravel pathway, edging too-slowly closer.

Welcome back.

Seize the Blog!

Its been awhile since I've "really" blogged and there is a LOT to tell.  I suppose I needed a breather.  Life often shifts our priorities for us and for awhile, ye old personal blog needed to take a back seat to other things.  The urge to write kinda dwindled in light of life's pressure.

Recently though I tried my hand at writing again and found that mucho-much of the stress I'd been feeling was released as fingers crafted words of virtual ink and letters flowed onto the screen.  Good times that.

So what in the world has been going on with me?  Rots and rots raggy! - Scooby Doo

I'll give you the bullet-point list of things I'll be writing about over the next few weeks/months.

• Primal eating ( many of you know I was already doing this but it's hit a new high; more on that later)
• Hit the 55lbs weight loss mark.  More to go before I'm completely done but I feel SO much better.
• We went "poo-less" at home.  Nope, not crossing our legs or sitting down hard on our chairs.  We gave up shampoo by finding something better.
• CSA - we joined a local CSA and should start getting fresh produce from now till Summer's End.
• Speaking of veggies, we can never really get enough and so enter ... Juice Plus.  One reason Izzy is with us now, we believe, is due to this.
• Clutter.  We are waging war and winning against this.  New thinking and unified mom/dad front it really making  a difference.
• New job.  I found a new place to work, much closer to home, cutting my commute in half.
• Marketing job.  Yes I'm still working with the company Visalus and that's taking on a whole new life this year.  More on this later too.
• Design work.  I've officially started freelancing as a graphic designer.  I have a website and everything.  Soon to be announced.
• Josh is driving.  Nuff said there :)
• Izzy is 1 and 1/2 years old.  I'm going to design her a t-shirt saying, "This one goes to 11."
• Storm our puppy is officially grown.  She turned 3 years old.
• And I've learned many tech tips over this long hiatus - much to share with you all I do have.
• More and more I'm sure as I think of it.  I always miss something when I just brainstorm a list like this :)

There you have it.  That's what has happened with me and what's coming up here on Horton Hollow.

Carpe Blogum!  I'm writing again!  :)

5 miles and 4 pictures ...

A couple of weeks back I got to sneak away for a bike ride.  It'd been a LONG time since I'd really ridden.  So I dusted off the old Aquaduck, packed a book for the break I knew I'd take, loaded ye old bike in the truck and headed out.

The Katy Trail in Missouri, whether you're running, walking, or riding, is a really great place to unwind, get quiet and relax.  I needed it.

Here are some pics I snapped with the old phone while out and about.  I only rode about 5 miles round trip and at the halfway point, I found a park bench tucked away in the middle of nowhere.  It was semi-sunny in the spot I'd found with just enough light peeking through the trees to take the edge off the fall weather.

I hunkered down there for a bit while soaking in the silence and reading a chapter of my book before saddling up for the ride back.

Twas a good day, that day!

A little bridge I crossed not long after I started ...

And here is a view from the same bridge, looking down on the creek below.  I like creeks ...

Here is yet another bridge I found not far from the spot I chose to stop and read ...

And cause I'm a sucker for a quiet expanse of open field, perhaps that stems from my never ending quest for more elbow room, here is a shot of a field where I found myself envying the little critters that have all that room to roam :) ...

Baby steps

Slowly, so slowly, I'm dipping my tootsies back into the wide, wide world of blogging.  Things have been so busy for so long it seems that my creativity seemed a bit stifled.  Kinda like being wrapped in plastic wrap, dipped into a pressure cooker, given a straw to breathe through and then still expecting myself to be able to inflate a balloon while leaving enough air for life.  Something had to give and it ended up being ye old blog.

But here I be, still standing.  Still writing and perhaps I may have some left in me :)

Took a really great bike ride on a crisp fall day a couple of weeks back.  I'll get pics of that up later today!  Honest :)

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween to my bloggin buddies out there!  Tis the start of the holiday season!

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Total awesomeness for my tootsies!

I recently discovered through other health blogs, the awesomeness that is "barefooting".  Runners call it barefoot running, non-runners like me, call it barefooting .. er .. well that's what "I" just called but darn it I matter!  :)

In my quest to improve my health I figured I'd start with my foundations.  Your leg muscles are the biggest in your body.  Working them, developing those muscles is your best bet to burn fat while you sleep.  In my quest to redevelop my legs, I thought, what about my ankes, my feet, even my toes?

Why not right?  A foundation is a foundation after all.  Dig those foundations deep I say and the house will stand (no pun intended) much longer!

Enter the shoes called Vibram Five Fingers.

I will pause whilst your unaccustomed brainy-brain adjusts to the upcoming images of awesomeness.

Pause ...

Paws ...

Healthier paws ...



I LOVE THESE SHOES!  :)

See these suckers improve your paw strength.  They are ultra-comfortable!  Yes they look a bit odd but you'll never have a more comfy set of shoes in your life, I'd wager.  I strongly suggest you get thyself to your local REI, Alpine Shop or other authorized retailer and at least try these on.


You won't regret it.

How do they feel?  It feels EXACTLY like being barefoot only you don't have to worry about hurting your tootsies.  It's as if the bottom of your foot, and each toe, were coated in a protective barrier that sits between your tender skin and the ground.  That barrier moves, flexes, and works with your natural foot positions.  It's completely amazing.

I'm no runner but I've started sprinting again in the yard with the dog.  Short bursts of intense exercise you know.  Much good for you it is.

Running is different with these.  Regular shoes train our bodies to move and step differently than we would barefoot.  We "heel toe it" when we run.  Ever seen a barefoot kid run though?  A kid who hasn't yet become concerned about how cool they look when they run?  They don't heel toe it.  Its not natural for ye old bod.  Try trotting or short sprints on your lawn barefoot.  You'll find you won't heel toe it either ... you'll naturally run on the balls of your foot.

That's what happens too with Vibrams.  Just like barefoot only protected.

I've noticed an improvement in my ankle strength, my balance and stabilty, just when walking.

They even make socks for em if you're so inclined.  I've taken to wearing my Vibrams to work everyday.  Folks tease me to be sure.  But I love my new shoes.

And I'm putting out the word that getting back to basics, back to natural movement and posture leads to better health.  Start with a good foundation.  Start with the old dogs and treat them better.  The rest of you will thank you for it.

Help out a kiddo today!

Hey all!  I've been thinking about the Christmas season coming up.  And that means doing some giving.  What can I say but that the holiday season hits me about this time of year, to where I feel it coming on.

And speaking of giving .. see the segway I did there?  :)

As some of you know, I've been working with a great company called Visalus Sciences helping folks improve their life, health and prosperity.  Not a bad gig, no?

ViSalus is also big on giving back to the community and to those less fortunate.  It's one of many reasons I'm continually amazed by their integrity and drive to truly improve folk's lives.  And they are doing it again with the Body By Vi COMMUNITY Challenge.

Check out the promotional video linked here as well as the promo-blurb below.  Then if you have some friends that might be interested in helping some kids out, pass this info on to them please.  You'd be doing some hungry kids a huge favor.


Thanks for considering!

Click here to see a quick video overview of the Body By Vi Community Challenge.

ViSalus is best known for The Body by Vi™ Challenge, which rewards people who use the company’s nutritional products to transform their bodies and achieve their health goals over 90 days.

For those with a goal of giving back to those less fortunate, The Body by Vi Community Challenge gives anybody the unique opportunity to donate the company’s protein and nutrient–rich Vi-Shape® mix to children and families who don’t have the means to get the nutrition they need each day.

Have a Local Adventure!

We live near the St. Louis area and for those that may be geographically challenged, that's in Missouri :) Only teasing ya!


Being in St Louis, we have several landmarks around here that are well-known. The Arch, our city museum, the St Louis Zoo (one of the best in the WORLD), Meramec Caverns is not far away, we have several stadiums for sports teams in town, etc etc. I've seen some of these things and some I've not. All of them, I've driven by at some point and thought to myself "man, I really need to check that out".

But often we end up going somewhere else for our adventures. I'm guessing that's pretty typical of most folks. Too often we live near some pretty cool stuff guys .. but we leave that behind and go see something else, somewhere else. I wonder what makes us do that? Just a little oddity I've noticed in me and perhaps you've got the same bug.

So.

How many mini adventures are in and around where you are living right now that have been on your “bucket list” but you just haven’t made time for yet?

What little things do you take for granted everyday that if suddenly gone would be dramatically missed?

I think as people the more familiar we become with things, the less we really stop to appreciate them. Same applies to the people closest to us. For me, I'm making a committment to work on bringing out the emotion of genuine gratitude as often as possible. I find it one of the best emotions we have. People really notice genuine gratitude because nowadays its very rare!

I encourage you to try it out in your personal life as well as showing it to others to make their day even better!

Quick Tip for a Happier Day:
When you wake up in the morning, before you even move from bed, asked yourself this question: What am I grateful for? Do this as soon as the alarm goes off every morning. Starting tomorrow, your alarm is now a reminder (not only to wake up!) but to cause you to reflect on what you are grateful for. Watch how much better your days become!

Quick Tip for a More Fulfilling Life:
Go out and do something NEW at least once a month. Be adventurous! As people we LOVE new experiences. The older we get, the more dependant on our own routines we become. Take at least one day a month and go do something you’ve never done before. Don’t wait for something to be at risk of going away for you to reach out and create an experience around it!

Clean house ... OR ... What You Want; Baby I Got It!

If you are one of those "super-neat-orderly-households-where-all-things-have-a-place-and-they-are-always-in-it" ...

... you need read no further.

Actually if you're one of THOSE people we probably can't be friends anyway cause my house would drive you nuts.  And in all liklihood you would pester me about cleaning up to the Nth degree, forcing me to do away with you and hide your carcass in one of the neverending places of clutter, either in my garage or basement.  Or perhaps in a nice pile of books in the corner somewhere, eh?  Which would you prefer?  I want you to be cozy in the afterlife you sick-twisted-neat-freak-you.

Ah, but I kid.

Actually I AM that neat freak.  However I have a strong procrastination streak and a long daily commute which most days talks me out of doing much else besides going home and being available to the family.

So at war within me are two sides.  One light and one dark.  One of Good, one of Evil.  The Freak of Neat is in a constant and epic struggle with the Proprietor of Procrastination.  Irresistible object, meet immoveable force.  Sound familiar?

We are however in the process of reducing our clutter at home.  And that leads me to my next point which is exactly what I wanted to talk about.  How convenient, right?

In case you've been smelling smoke, I've been thinking.  Perhaps we should do a blog-giveway thingy like I've seen more popular bloggers do to unload their junk share their wealth with their readers.  Just think of it!  I give stuff away to you.  You end up having too much stuff, then you eventually, either explode from the stress of having too much clutter .. OR .. you end up ranting like an old bag lady on your blog and start doing giveways of your own.  What a racket!

Actually when I weigh the options, those all sound like risks I'm willing to take.  Because if I can get rid of a moose-lamp or a genuine-imitation-Naugahyde jogging suit, its worth it to me to risk adding to your collection of paraphernalia.  Because I'm sure you'll survive the ordeal of some clutter in your life.  What doesn't kill us usually succeeds on the second try makes us stronger right?

So you as my reader, not only benefit from my brute-force-and-ignorance-style wit but BONUS, you strengthen your character by dealing with some additional clutter in your life.  It's all good stuff, honest.  The naugahyde jogging suit is gently used and won't even be wet with sweat by the time you receive it.

So just let me know if you'd like some free stuff!  I'll send it your way!

And now I'll quietly sit by my email box, ready for those electronic letters to start pouring in :)

Some news .. OR ... When we last left our hero

Okay if anybody is out there still reading this virtual rag of my writing, here is an update on where I've been, what I've been doing and what is new in my little corner of the world here in Missouri.  When I last blogged, I was a computer programmer at a company called American Railcar Industries.  Good place to work and I'll miss it.

Miss it you say Rob?  Does that mean you're no longer there?

Correctamundo.

Let me bullet-point the happenings at Castle Horton since last we shared a blog post dear friends.

• I've quit my normal 9-5 and started my own full-time business with a long-time friend of mine.  More on the company name and our website to come.
• Our company is busy yes .. we are finishing up our first contract and starting a new one as of tomorrow.
• Needless to say I've not had much time to blog due to all this, since I was working at ARI and my new company too, but I will be back blogging now since I now officially have just one job.
• For our family life here, we are planning the construction of new out-building on our property.  We were blessed with an incredible deal which we could NOT pass up and will be constructing the new 25'x30' building in May/June.  Twil be a great place for extra storage, parking my truck, and moving my woodshop eventually out to it instead our basement.  Very pumped about that.
• Yes there are more things to announce but I'm a little tired of typing already (gonna have to work back up to my famously long posts I see).

But I am back dear readers.  Things are cooler than ever and this year promises many fun things to come for my family and my career.  Times they are exciting right now!

Walk this way .. OR .. T-minus 10 Minutes until leg failure

Today at lunch I went for a walk.  Snap decision.  Had intended to do what I normally do, sit and read, but instead I leapt to my feet (ok perhaps I got up slowly and wondered what I was thinking) and I took off outside.

My intention was to get some exercise, clear my head for the afternoon ahead of me, and generally try something new at lunch for a change.

It's a brisk mid 30's here today with snow flying in the air, just spitting, not really snowing good.  Nice day for a quick walk really.  Plus I work in what we call Old St Charles, MO.  Very historic area.  Lots of little interesting shops to look at, and I love to sight see and check out all the little nooks and crannies as I pass by.

So I just took off walking in this wonderful little area, enjoying the shops, taking interest in what they sold, all while keeping a good pace, one where I could feel it in my legs "just right".  I had a goal to walk for 10 minutes in one direction.  Kind of like swimming out away from shore, knowing I'd HAVE to "swim back" in order to get back to work on time.

Mid-way through my legs were burning nicely in the baby-cow areas.  They were beginning to wake up, mooing in confusing as to what in the world was going on.  What was up with all this unusual effort?  They are not from California and today even if they were, they weren't happy cows.

Being an old area like this part of town is, the streets and much of the sidewalks are cobblestone or brick.  In places they are extremely uneven.  This made me use lot of little stabilizer muscles to walk, keeping my pace over this brisk terrain.  Needless to say that about 3/4 of the way back I could feel my legs/calves getting very tired and I had to start concentrating to keep my balance really.  Just being careful though to make sure each step was sure.  Couldn't depend on auto-pilot anymore.

But I made it.  Twenty minutes of brisk walking gets logged on my iPhone today.  That plus eating much better today, following my new plan, will garner me a wildly successful day on my first day of battle.

It feels good to be trying and focusing instead of on auto-pilot and drifting.

Wandering away .. OR .. Leaving the Reservations to Others

I'm leaving for good and not coming back.  I've had enough of this.  I've had enough of living under the weight of other's perceptions.  I'm tired.  Too tired for my age and I can't keep up with this any longer.

To what am I referring?

Not blogging.  Never fear.  Though my writing of late has been sporadic to be sure, I'd keep serving up medium-rare ramblings even if there weren't readers to consume them.  And I'm truly thankful for those that do.

So dear readers you won't be abandoned .. or well .. you shall have to put up with me a bit longer - depending on your viewpoint there.

No I'm referring to eating, quite actually.

What is this Rob?  You're no longer going to eat?  Ah but that would be the ultimate weight-loss plan eh?  However, I think I'll continue to eat - and it's step one of my plan!  Brilliant yes?  I mean so much more promises to be accomplished if my plan doesn't involved self-starvation.

Given that encouraging first step, I think I'll add another to it and see where it goes.

I'm leaving the reservation of dieters, etc.  For far too long I've been enamored by the "next great thing".  I've been so caught up in the "tools" of losing weight that I end up studying them too much and not accomplishing my goals.  They end up as a mental crutch while the physical suffers.

In 2009, I didn't meet my weight loss goals.  I made strides but not nearly close enough for my critical self to call it a successfull year.  I wasn't faithful to myself.  The ultimate form of betrayal.

See I had a good plan.  But I just didn't execute it well. I didn't keep my focus unwaveringly until total success was achieved.

No more.

What shall I be doing in 2010?

Well I mentioned leaving the reservation as mentioned.  What does that mean?  Simply this.  I'm done with powders, pills, magic concoctions, thinking that some ultimate secret weapon made by someone else will help me hobble over the finish line.

Let me ask you something.

What was the last time you ever saw a champion hobble across the finish line to win a race?  A winner, someone who completes what they set out to perform doesn't depend on something else to carry them there.

They get up and do it themselves.

Yes they use tools to help them train and accomplish their goals.  But those tools don't help unless the champion has a burning desire to succeed.  The champion never looks at the tools as a crutch.  Thus they never get carried across the goal line by their tools.

So there is no magic pill.

There is no secret way.

The belief that I can do this "while I sleep" is a lie.

The reality?

It will hurt.  I will sacrifice.  There will be times I want to quit.  There will be temptations.  And on some days, I will fail.

But ...

The hurt will turn into strength.  The sacrifice will birth success.  I will go on.  When I have failures I will get up again, and again ... and again.  I will keep getting up until, sometime during this year, I will look at myself and say, "You did this.  You did it without a crutch.  Nobody carried you through this."

How will I do this?

Can't tell ya.  The last thing anybody needs is someone else telling them "another cool thing".  It just breeds what the diet industry is getting rich from.  I'm done with that.  I won't propogate that type of thinking anymore.

I've found what I know will work for me.  It's based by large amount on instincts I've had since childhood.  Yes I did stumble across a plan and happens to line up with those instincts exactly.  It's given me the final sprout of confidence I needed in order to move forward with this.

But Rob how do you know it will work?  Actually, I've seen it work in my life before but I didn't stick with it because honestly I caved to outside pressures.  I let negative external things influence my thinking.  I should have trusted my instincts.

This time I will.

Just like you've seen in the movies, where someone finally has had enough, they cut off all their ties to popular thinking and just wander off to find a new life, because they are driven by instinct to change for the better.

That's how this feels.

Here I go.

P.S. - Big news coming soon on Horton Hollow.  Stay tuned for several exciting things coming up.  Hey, things aren't exciting for me that often .. so I thought I'd milk that fact a bit by some pre-excitement tease.  :)

Never forget the 80's ... OR ... Always Something There To Remind Me

A friend of mine and me are pretty big into 80's music.

Sometimes ... just sometimes mind you ... we exchange little zingers back and forth with each other using lines from 80's songs or song titles.  Here is a recent back and forth.  These always make me laugh and they are the kinds of things that make a boring day go a little faster ... plus it's a blog post just waiting to happen :)

From: Rob  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:15 PM
I’m not sure if you’re aware or not but I just heard on my iPod that “the heart of rock n’ roll is still beatin’”


From: Friend  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:24 PM
NICE.
Maybe next you can be "hungry like the wolf"?


From: Rob  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:28 PM
I can’t stop to eat.
I’m too busy "shootin at the walls of heartache".


From: Friend  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:30 PM
Do you have good aim with those "Bette Davis Eyes"?


From: Rob  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:37 PM
I do.   Great eyesight, but I’m a little sad cause I’ve had a "Total Eclipse of the Heart"


From: Friend  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:02 PM
Oh man im sorry to hear your sad, why don’t you call your friends and go out?
I heard, "Girls just wanna have fun".


From: Rob  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:06 PM
That sounds like a great idea!
Now if we just had a "Little Red Corvette" …


From: Friend  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:24 PM
If only we did,
Take it "straight to funkytown".


From: Rob  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:28 PM
Well dude I gotta run home but
"Don’t You Forget About Me"  ….


From: Friend  Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:36 PM
Ah crap, I think I missed you before you left. Next time "Wake me up before you Go Go"

Ah I miss the 80's dear readers.

What in the world has happened .. OR .. The top 30 of my 40.

In a mini-blogging celebration of having turned 40 this past December I've been kicking around the idea of cranking out a blog post that highlights some of our nation's accomplishments/inventions/happenings of the last 40 years.

I discovered that I'm older than Post-It-Notes, The Smoke Detector and wait for it ... Human Powered Flight.

I think I need a nap.  And apparently at my age, those may come more frequently.  I mean soon I'll start having dinner at like 2 in the afternoon and breakfast the night before, right?

Well I hope you enjoy this little trip down memory lane.  Some of these are geeky and inline with my profession and others are more common knowledge.  But I found them all interesting and I hope you do as well.

Have fun!

1969--SMOKE DETECTOR
Randolph Smith and Kenneth House patent a battery-powered smoke detector for home use. Later models rely on perhaps the cheapest nuclear technology you can own: a chunk of americium-241. The element's radioactive particles generate a small electric current. If smoke enters the chamber it disrupts the current, triggering an alarm.


1969--MOUSEPAD
A mousepad is a hard surface, square-shaped and rubberized mat for enhancing the usability of a computer mouse. Jack Kelley invented the mousepad in 1969


1970--DIGITAL MUSIC
James Russell, a scientist with the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, invents the first digital-to-optical recording and playback system, in which sounds are represented by a string of 0s and 1s and a laser reads the binary patterns etched on a photosensitive platter. Russell isn't able to convince the music industry to adopt his invention, but 20 years later, Time Warner and other CD manufacturers pay a $30 million patent infringement settlement to Russell's former employer, the Optical Recording Co.


1970--PERSONAL COMPUTER
The personal computer (PC) is any computer whose original sales price, size, and capabilities make it useful for individuals, and which is intended to be operated directly by an end user, with no intervening computer operator. The Kenbak-1 is considered by the Computer History Museum and the American Computer Museum to be the world's first personal computer which was invented by John Blankenbaker in 1970


1971--FLOPPY DISK
A floppy disk is a data storage medium that is composed of a disk of thin, flexible "floppy" magnetic storage medium encased in a square or rectangular plastic shell. In 1971 while working at IBM, David L. Noble invented the 8-inch floppy disk. Floppy disks in 8-inch, 5¼-inch, and 3½-inch formats enjoyed many years as a popular and ubiquitous form of data storage and exchange, from the mid-1970s to the late 1990s.


1971--WAFFLE-SOLE RUNNING SHOES
Bill Bowerman, the track coach at the University of Oregon, sacrifices breakfast for peak performance when he pours rubber into his wife's waffle iron, forming lightweight soles for his athletes' running shoes. Three years later, Bowerman's company, Nike, introduces the Waffle Trainer, which is an instant hit.


1971--EMAIL
Electronic mail, often abbreviated to e-mail, is any method of creating, transmitting, or storing primarily text-based human communications with digital communications systems. Ray Tomlinson as a programmer while working on the United States Department of Defense's ARPANET, invented electronic mail and sent the first message on a time-sharing computer in 1971.[471] Tomlinson is also credited for inventing the "@" sign the mainstream of e-mail communications.


1972--ELECTRONIC IGNITION
Chrysler paves the way for the era of electronic--rather than mechanical--advances in automobiles with the electronic ignition. It leads to electronic control of ignition timing and fuel metering, harbingers of more sophisticated systems to come. Today, these include electronic control transmission shift points, antilock brakes, traction control systems, steering and airbag deployment.


1972--The Space Shuttle. 
 The space shuttle program was initiated on January 5, 1972 with President Nixon's announcement that NASA would begin development on a manned reusable space shuttle system. The first complete orbiter, Enterprise, was completed on September 17, 1976. The first fully functional space shuttle, Columbia, was delivered to the Kennedy Space Center on March 25, 1979. Columbia's first launch was on April 12, 1981.


1973--CATALYTIC CONVERTER
A catalytic converter provides an environment for a chemical reaction wherein toxic combustion by-products are converted to less-toxic substances. First used on cars in 1975 to lower emission standards, catalytic converters are also used on generator sets, forklifts, mining equipment, trucks, buses, trains, and other engine-equipped machines. The catalytic converter was invented by John J. Mooney and Carl D. Keith at the Engelhard Corporation, creating the first production catalytic converter in 1973


1973--MRI
Everyone agrees that magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is a brilliant invention--but no one agrees on who invented it. The physical effect that MRIs rely on--nuclear magnetic resonance--earns various scientists Nobel Prizes for physics in 1944 and 1952. Many believe that Raymond Damadian establishes the machine's medical merit in 1973, when he first uses magnetic resonance to discern healthy tissue from cancer. Yet, in 2003, the Nobel Prize for medicine goes to Peter Lauterbur and Peter Mansfield for their "seminal discoveries." The topic of who is the worthiest candidate remains hotly debated.


1974--HEIMICH MANEUVER
Performing abdominal thrusts, better known as the Heimlich Maneuver, involves a rescuer standing behind a patient and using their hands to exert pressure on the bottom of the diaphragm. This compresses the lungs and exerts pressure on any object lodged in the trachea, hopefully expelling it. This amounts to an artificial cough. Henry Heimlich, as the inventor of his abdominal thrust technique,[481] first published his findings about the maneuver in a June 1974 informal article in Emergency Medicine entitled, "Pop Goes the Cafe Coronary". On June 19, 1974, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported that retired restaurant-owner Isaac Piha used the procedure to rescue choking victim Irene Bogachus in Bellevue, Washington.


1974--POST IT NOTE
The Post-it note is a piece of stationery with a re-adherable strip of adhesive on the back, designed for temporarily attaching notes to documents and to other surfaces such as walls, desks and table-tops, computer displays, and so forth. Post-it notes were invented by 3M employees Arthur Fry and Spencer Silver in 1974.


1974--UNIVERSAL PRODUCT CODE
The Universal Product Code (UPC) is a barcode symbology that scans 12-digits numbers along the bar in order to track trade items and to encode information such as pricing to a product on a store's shelf. The Universal Product Code, invented by George Laurer at IBM, was used on a marked item scanned at a retail checkout, Marsh's supermarket in Troy, Ohio, at 8:01 a.m. on June 26, 1974.


1975--DIGITAL CAMERA
The digital camera is a camera that takes video or still photographs, digitally by recording images via an electronic image sensor. Steven Sasson as an engineer at Eastman Kodak invented and built the first digital camera using a CCD image sensor in 1975.


1978--GPS
The first satellite in the modern Navstar Global Positioning System (GPS) is launched. (The GPS's precursor, TRANSIT, was developed in the early 1960s to guide nuclear subs.) It is not until the year 2000, though, that President Clinton grants nonmilitary users access to an unscrambled GPS signal. Now, cheap, handheld GPS units can determine a person's location to within 3 yards.


1979--HUMAN POWERED FLIGHT
Cyclist Byron Allen crosses the English Channel in a pedal-powered aircraft called the Gossamer Albatross. The flight takes 2 hours, 49 minutes, and wins a £100,000 prize for its crew, headed by designer Dr. Paul MacCready.[499] Constructed of Mylar, polystyrene, and carbon-fiber rods, the Albatross has a wingspan of 93 feet 10 inches (28.60 m) and weighs about 70 pounds.


1979--POLAR FLEECE
Polar fleece, or "fleece", is a soft napped insulating synthetic wool fabric made from polyethylene terephthalate or other synthetic fibers. The first form of polar fleece was invented in 1979 by Malden Mills, now Polartec LLC., which was a new, light, and strong pile fabric meant to mimic and in some ways surpass wool.[500] Found in jackets, hoodies, and casual wear, fleece has some of wool's finest qualities but weighs a fraction of the lightest available woolens.


1981--CONTROL-ALT-DELETE
Control-Alt-Delete, often abbreviated as Ctrl-Alt-Del, is a computer keyboard command on PC compatible systems that can be used to reboot a computer, and summon the task manager or operating system. It is invoked by pressing the Delete key while holding the Control and Alt keys: Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Thus, it forces a soft reboot, brings up the task manager (on Windows and BeOS) or a jump to ROM monitor. Control-Alt-Delete was invented in 1981 by David Bradley while working at IBM.


1981--FETAL SURGERY
Fetal surgical techniques using animal models were first developed at the University of California, San Francisco in 1980. In 1981, the first human open fetal surgery in the world was performed at University of California, San Francisco under the direction of Dr. Michael Harrison.


1981--PAINTBALL
Paintball is a game in which players eliminate opponents by hitting them with pellets containing paint usually shot from a carbon dioxide or compressed-gas, HPA or N20, in a powered paintball gun. The idea of the game was first conceived in 1976 by Hayes Noel, Bob Gurnsey, and Charles Gaines and first played on June 27, 1981.


1983--VOICEMAIL
Voicemail messages are stored on hard disk drives, media generally used by computers to store other forms of data. Messages are recorded in digitized natural human voice similar to how music is stored on a CD. To retrieve messages, a user calls the system from any phone, and his messages can be retrieved immediately. In 1979, Gordon Matthews formed a new company, VMX (Voice Message Exchange) and filed a patent, which was granted on February 1, 1983. Matthews invented what was called "Voice Message Exchange," which is the pioneer patent for what later evolved into today's voicemail. Matthews eventually held over thirty-five patents relating to his invention.


1984--DNA FINGERPRINTING
Molecular biologist Alec Jeffreys devises a way to make the analysis of more than 3 billion units in the human DNA sequence much more manageable by comparing only the parts of the sequence that show the greatest variation among people. His method quickly finds its way into the courts, where it is used to exonerate people wrongly accused of crimes and to finger the true culprits.


1987--PROZAC
Prozac becomes the first in a new class of FDA-approved antidepressants called "selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors," which block the reabsorption of the mood-elevating neurotransmitter serotonin, thereby prolonging its effects. Though at times controversial, Prozac helps patients cope with clinical depression, reshaping our understanding of how personality and emotion can be chemically controlled. Within five years, 4.5 million Americans are taking Prozac--making it the most widely accepted psychiatric drug ever.


1990--OPTICAL SPACE TELESCOPE (THE HUBBLE)
The space shuttle Discovery deployed the Hubble Space Telescope, the world's first optical space telescope[529][530][531], approximately 350 miles (560 km) above the Earth. Although initial flaws limited its capabilities, the Hubble Space Telescope has been responsible for numerous discoveries and advances in the understanding of outer space. From 1946 onward, Lyman Spitzer at NASA was the driving force behind the Hubble Space Telescope and overseeing its design.[532] As the United States raced to the moon in the 1960s, Spitzer worked to tie in research components. Finally, in 1975, NASA began work on the Hubble Space Telescope which was launched in 1990.


1993--BLOGGING
A blog is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog. In 1993, Dr. Glen Barry invented the phenomenon known as blogging.


1995--JAVASCRIPT
JavaScript is a scripting language widely used for client-side web development. It was the originating dialect of the ECMAScript standard. It is a dynamic, weakly typed, prototype-based language with first-class functions. JavaScript was influenced by many languages and was designed to look like Java, but be easier for non-programmers to work with. In 1995, JavaScript was invented by Brendan Eich under the name Mocha, which was later renamed to LiveScript, and finally to JavaScript.


1995--SCROLL WHEEL
A scroll wheel, or mouse wheel, is a hard plastic or rubbery disc on a computer mouse that is used for scrolling up or down on a web page. It is perpendicular to the mouse surface and is normally located between the left and right mouse buttons. The scroll wheel was invented by Eric Michelman in 1995.


1997--TIVO
TiVo DVRs provide an electronic television programming schedule. TiVo Inc. was incorporated on August 4, 1997 as "Teleworld, INC." by Jim Barton and Mike Ramsay,[549] veterans of Silicon Graphics and Time Warner's Full Service Network digital video system. Originally intending to create a home network device, they later developed their idea to record digitized video on a hard disk.


1998--MP3 PLAYER
Depending on who you ask, the MP3 is either the end of civilization (record companies) or the dawn of a new world (everyone else). The Korean company Saehan introduces its MPMan in 1998, long before Apple asks, "Which iPod are you?" When the Diamond Rio hits the shelves a few months later, the Recording Industry Association of America sues--providing massive publicity and a boost to digital technology.

Nothing has really happened since 1998. I mean honestly, the world was supposed to end in 2000 so I guess the significant accomplishments took a nosedive. Takes time to get back on your game after dodging a bullet like that :)

Resources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions
http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/upgrade/2078467.html?page=3

Beyond Busy … OR … WTF is up with all the activities, huh?

“Write a short essay comparing and contrasting the differences between childhood now and the childhood you remember, particularly in how they relate or do not relate along the lines of social activities and/or group projects.”

Don’t you HATE those kinds of assignments?  Remember that type of essay question though from say, World History class in high school, perhaps at Fredericktown, MO?  Hmmm?

Well whatever high school YOU attended and whether or not you graduated, it’s not for me to point fingers; most folks were not fans of those essay questions.  Oddly enough I always wanted to like them but never had enough time in school to really get into them.

So I sucked at them.  Big time.

But that maddening essay assignment bore the inspiration for this blog post.

Let me take you back for a few moments to my childhood.  Trust me we won’t stay long.  Queue the time travel music …

My mom used to take me to this shoe store when I was a kid.  It was owned by this old Jewish couple.   Sometimes we’d just drop in to visit because the lady there, Eve, and my mom were friends.  That store was one of my favorite places to go in our little town though I never really told my mom.  Eve would always offer me a bit of hard candy which was nice of her.  Though I was dreadfully shy, she never made me feel like a freak for it.  I always felt safe in that store – it was a good place.

I was the kid who dutifully went along quietly with my mom and occasionally asked to run up to the dime store by myself if things were running a bit long at one of mom’s stores.

And we had quite a few stores we visited like this.  My mom and always me there by her side while she talked to the other adults at the store.

At times though certainly not often, the owners/friends would look down at me to ask if I were involved in any sports or whatnot.  I never was.  Very seldom they would mention something that their own child was involved in and suggest to me that I might like it.  But I certainly never felt pressured or made to feel weird for not being involved in a bunch of hullabaloo.  And I know my mom didn’t either. 

I know that because once we got back home she never mentioned it to me or my grandma.  She and grandma always talked pretty openly about things that irritated them particularly if they felt someone was “getting pushy” or “getting in their business”.

Flash forward to today.

So in my retrospective there, I’d like to say that in my childhood I never once felt pressured to participate in a lot of activities.  My mom just kind of let me be me.  And our family didn’t try to keep up with other families or buy into some culture of constant business.  I’m not even sure, in the 70’s, the culture of having tons of activities even existed.

I hear parents talking all the time about their, and their childrens, constant involvement in a bahjillion activities.

And when I talk to parents most of them go into this zombie-mode wherein they ask me, “Well what all stuff is your son into?  Sports?  Football?  Basketball?  Our kid is 4 and leads his own martial arts class.  What about your kid?”

Invariably I have no answer to any of these types of questions other than to politely say, “Nope Josh isn’t into any of those things”.  But the attitude bothers me.

The assumption is rampant that everyone is involved in a ton of things at all times, all seasons and all occasions.

I suppose we’re weird.

My family is much like my family growing up.  We generally do stuff around our home, taking a few special trips out per year, taking in a concert here and there, stuff like that.  That seems normal to me.  Well it does until I watch TV or talk to most other parents.

We are snails on the road of life compared to most.

My question is though, when did staying so busy become the norm and doing things a bit more minimalist become ‘weird’?  Why do kids have to stay in so many activities nowadays?  When did that change?  And why are folks who aren’t that busy looked upon as odd?

When I was growing up it really was just the opposite as I pointed out.

Have we become a group of folks that just HAVE to have the distraction?  Are we afraid of facing ourselves in the quiet?  I wonder.  And why raise kids that “always have to be busy”?

Many parents I’ve met are like the directors of cruise ships, constantly entertaining and making sure their kids are “engaged”, as if they are afraid those kids won’t choose that same cruise-line next year and sail with a different boat.

I get that there is much out there to do.   But perhaps we don’t have to do it all?  Call me crazy.

 I know that there is a lot of pressure on parents today to always be doing something.  Preferably outside your home too it seems.   But what happened to sitting around reading books as entertainment for your family?  Or listening to the radio together?

Those last two questions probably sound strange to you if you’re still reading this rant.

I’ll sign off by saying this.

Unplug a tad now and then.

You get your sanity back a bit.  You really get to know your kids too when there is nothing between the two of you but air and the opportunity for conversation.  Get to know them as people.  Not projects.

Unplugging from it all is good in another way.  You find out who your real friends are.  They are the ones who find a way to still talk to you no matter what.

Unplugging is good.  It brings about moments of growth.

Nosey Notions ... OR ... Use your OWN finger to pick YOUR boogers

As I sit here listening to Shania Twain, I thought I’d pen you all a post.  It’s been rattling around in my head for some time now.  Tis long overdue.   So, if anybody is still listening here you go.

Let me attempt to explain that whacky title.

The thought for the day is simply this “You can’t use someone else’s finger to pick your own boogers”.

It’s true.

C’mon we’ve all picked our nose.  Some of us more so than others have even done it while driving.

Now I’m sure you were under the influence of the thought that somehow, while you’re driving, nobody can see through that clear glass to watch you engage in unrestrained pickage.  Um, but we can see you and observe you finger buried to the elbow while you bring new meaning to the phrase “going green”.

I’m just sayin.  But again I have digressed.  Apologies.  Back to the tip (no pun intended) for the day.

Having picked my own nose I have observed that my finger is uniquely adapted for the job.  The angle, the reach, all of that is just perfect.  No complaints.

I’m sure the same is true for you but you’re probably too refined to admit you’ve picked your nose much less face the certainty of how well YOUR finger is made to pick just YOUR nose.

What if you tried to use someone else’s finger to do it though?

Grossness aside, would it work as well?  Definitely not.  Size would be wrong.  Unfamiliar finger nail.  All that.

But wouldn’t the steps be the same?

Now in regards to someone else’s finger, think about this.  The finger’s owner would probably tell you how well it’s worked for them over the years.  They would highly recommend their finger to you.  How that time after time, they’ve experienced wild success and totally clear breathing after a pick-session.

And they’d be telling the truth.  I mean it’d be coming from not just the president of the company, but a customer right?

So why wouldn’t their finger work for you?

Well because you have a finger too.  It’s uniquely suited to your task at .. er .. hand.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that only YOU have the tools to fix whatever situation you face.  If it’s a business situation, if it’s relationships, if it’s debt .. whatever.

Chances are there are TONS of folks out there that have had the SAME issue and they can even tell you the exact steps they followed to fix it.  Too often though we run out there, get the advice and try to become that OTHER person, stepping outside of who we are in order to address the situation.  We forget the most important step.

Make it personal for yourself.

Don’t dodge being who you are.

Because even though the steps may be the same as someone else’s, for the most optimal chance of success, you need to put your own spin on those steps.

Your own finger, see?  Their finger can’t pick your nose.  Only yours can.

Now get out there and use it.

Happy picking!

100 Words or Less Wednesday: Dad-Sleep-o-matic

In this new edition of 100 Words or Less, I want to post about sleeping through the baby getting up at night. Heather takes care of all this stuff, particularly since she’s breastfeeding.

With Josh however, I always heard him cry. They say things change with each kid. But I’ve not woke up once hearing Isabella cry.

I feel bad about that cause even if there is nothing for me to do; I still WANT to wake up. Heather isn’t upset with me for it but it’s still a weird feeling to be sure. Perhaps I’m getting old :)

Happy Halloween

Ok this post is perhaps just an excuse to make everyone look at my cool little header graphic I made, but at least I'm shallow enough to call attention to it right?  Er, right :)

I hope this upcoming Halloween finds you all happy, safe and enjoying the holiday that (for me) really kicks off the official holiday season.  Let the eats, treats and feasts begin! 

I was the only one who dressed up for Halloween at work today, I came as a scarecrow type guy.  Inspiration hit me yesterday in the form of Eric, one of my co-workers, who PROMISED me he would dress up today and then left me hanging high and dry.

I kid.  I knew he wasn't going to really dress up.  But I'm a sucker for this holiday and so I went home last night and made this mask/costume. 



It actually freaked out poor Fei here at work though I'm sure that may have something to do with the fact that I'm very sneaky and I surprised the poor woman when she wasn't looking. 

Good times!

P.S. - Thanks to Victoria for snapping this pic of me for the ol' blog!

Dream on .. OR .. Jello makes a poor conversationalist

Let me start this post with a pre-ps .. if I may.

Pre-P.S. - I do apologize for the severity of this post dear readers. I promise to get back on track and bring the funny and whimsical back to the Hollow. Just needed to share. Thanks to those of you who come here to read my ramblings.

Onward.

I had a dream the other night. In it, there were these two guys from high school and we three were playing basketball on the beach.

[I may be the only guy who is nearing forty that still dreams about stuff from high school. I'm odd. Never let it be said that I'm not.]

The reason this was a dream is two-fold. I never hung out with these guys. I wasn't in their crowd or on their radar for a friend.

I certainly wasn't cool enough. Not a lot has changed really in that regard. Just being honest.

Growing up I didn't make a lot of friends. For those of you who don't know, I grew up in the country with not a lot of other folks around.

Sure I went to school and saw kids there. But most times, real friends are made during summer vacation, not on the playground. On the playground, the groups of kids who are ALREADY friends get together and hang out. That's how it was in my school at least. A new friend is a rare thing to be crafted on the playground. Kids choose sides, group up and mingle very quickly. If you aren't already in a group when that happens, well then you are left out.

It's kinda like being picked last for kick-ball but with the lovely option of not being picked at all.

And that was my world. Left out. Cause I'm not a real go-getter at making new friends. I still remember things like going home from school on the last day before summer break.

Everyone else would be making big plans ... talking with their groups of friends ... wallowing in all that companionship. I always wanted to be a part of that scene.

But for me, during that last day of school as I watched those other kids, I was thinking how that I had no big plans. Nothing great to do and no one with whom to hang out. Nobody really asked either. And I was far too shy to offer any talk.

That's how each Summer began for me.

So Summer would come and go. Those kids I wanted to be friends with all lived "in town" and not far from each other at that. So every night, during school, they got to hang out. Play basketball in the street, or baseball at a local field, or soccer or a million other things. And during summer they even vacationed together sometimes.

They literally grew up together.

I had no chance of being part of that. I grew up for the most part, alone. I got used to it. But distance somehow has always been a factor in my life when making friends.

Now kids, listen carefully. Distance blows.

To be fair, I can't entirely blame distance for my lack of friends. A lot of it was me.

So, after I woke up from my dream, I was thinking about that fact and how that in real life, I never would have played basketball with those guys.

I was cripplingly shy as I may have mentioned on here before.

My fear that they would have laughed at me when I missed a shot would have kept me from trying.

And so it went.

Then I realized a way to describe my broken socialization growing up. Well at least how it felt.

It was as if, between me and those other kids, there was this maleable yet tough, crystal clear wall. A clear-jello-wall if you will. But not as though you could just tear it down with your hands.

No that wouldn't do.

At least on my side of the wall it was strong as steel. I felt trapped by it. It frustrated my attempts to scrabble through it. From my perspective I felt as if there were no tools with which I could penetrate the wall. I felt helpless. Oh sure, I know now what would have worked.

Putting myself out there, not being afraid to fail, living large, just stop being shy ... you know all those things that parents tell kids which is a cover-up for "I'm too busy to get involved with your whining, just figure it out on your own".

And I couldn't figure out how to get through that wall. I didn't. It was simply beyond my ken.

But someone could reach through from their side to me. I knew that much was true.

I also knew that they would need some convincing. So there I was. Living the great land of helpless fear, swimming in tormenting hope.

Like that word-picture? Yeah well you shoulda tried it. Easier to read than to live, let me assure you.

Trapped behind my wall, with no way to reach through from my side, other than put on some display in hope of enticing a potential friend to open up a channel in that wall from them to me.

I never really got any takers. None that lasted.

I also thought of this great line this morning but I couldn't think of where to use it in this post. So in an effort to share it, here you go:

"The wind of regret echos in the hollows of my aging bones."

Kinda cool huh?

And perhaps in some ways, I'm still that kid that is putting on a show trying to get friendly-someone to reach through that wall.

That darn wall is tough. In all my talent to make things, I've yet to devise a lasting way through it. Yeah remember the old saying, "if walls could talk" ... there you go. If that wall could talk, we could be pals. Its been my longest companion.