Well here we are, the night before the due date. Josh was born on his due date. No serious warning signs, just bammo, time for baby. We're expecting this to go the same way.
People keep asking me, "Oh I bet you're so excited" .. "Aren't you nervous?". And I always smile and say "oh sure" or "nah not too nervous". I never know how to respond to those questions really. At times like these I sort of disconnect from extreme emotion.
You see, in situations like this I don't really become excited or nervous. Instead I become intent and focused. It doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the event or anything. Its not that I'm not fun to be around. And I think (for the most part) I seem the same to everyone else.
But on the inside I'm just very intense. Very focused. I'll stay this way until Bella is here. Until everybody heads back home from visiting with us. I won't really relax until I see it's "just us" again and we're all safe and sound. I suppose it's part of my protective instinct as a guy.
And I think that is (at least partially) why I relate to our German Shepherd so much. She and I see the world in much the same way I think. We're watchful, naturally aloof around new folks, but once you get to know us, we're loyal to the end no matter what.
So here we are. Waiting on the kiddo. Waiting is not my thing. With how I've explained that I feel on the inside, waiting makes me tired because I feel like I'm holding up a great weight.
So am I nervous? Am I dreading the sleepless nights? Do I dread the change of pace?
Um no.
I welcome all that actually. I'm looking forward to it all. Cause then, although sure it will change things and be more work, things will be normal again.
I like normal.
I'm weird that way.
3 comments:
See, you don't have to be nervous, I am all nervous for ya'll. I am so excited! You must post pics quickly of the baby Bella!
Yep I figure I'll post pics right from the hospital room. I'll have my technology binkies (my laptop and cell phone) with me.
I'd say you've got things under control as much as possible, which actually doesn't amount to much in the big picture.
What I'm trying to say is I think you're doing very well in spite of the period of waiting you're being subjected to and the unknowable ever-present aspect of the future.
I look forward to seeing pics too!!
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