Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wistful Wednesdays: Best Friends

Here is a new approach for Wednesdays that I'm going to try and, if it goes well, I'll stick with it as a weekly theme. I've noticed this type of theming on other bloggers sites and this old man is just trying to keep up with the times; have to keep my (like 4) readers happy you know :) I also really really like making notes through the week, having a writing schedule, and then planning/organizing the writing around a preset theme. Theb orderliness is salve to my soul. God I need help, I'm a sick man.

Ok. Blog content time.

Perhaps you're reading this blog and you have a good friend. If so, then fortunate you are. A very good friend is hard to find and a best friend, rare indeed. In this post, hopefully you can get a good bead on what I think of friendships and in particular what I mean when I say someone is my best friend.

First off, my wife is my best friend. No relationship is higher than that and no other friendship is ever, for me, held in comparison to what my wife and I share. Honestly if you're married and reading this your spouse needs to be your best friend too. If they are not, start working on that right away and you'll have a happier marriage quite quickly.

I also have a best friend outside my wife and my wife is very okay with that. A person needs different types of relationships in their life after all. None of us are "one dimensional" in our interactions with the world.

So what is a "best" friend you may ask? Well I'm sure different people have different definitions as it applies to their heart and lives. Personally my own definition has deepened over the years rather than morphed into something else, as in other cases regarding things I believed when I was younger but view differently now that I'm more mature.

In defining a best friend, for me its a person one can completely open up their "life's book" to and that friend never judges you, but rather supports you, encourages you, tells you off when you need to be told off, they listen, you laugh with them, you want to be close to them and they give the same back to you.

Before this gets way to sun-shiny though, and speaking negative/positive rather than feminine/masculine, let's get the "yin" of the situation out of the way first and later we'll move on to the sunnier "yang". You good with that? Well lovely :)

It should not come as a surprise that everything isn't all roses with friendships, even best ones. Its a relationship between two humans after all. And every relationship has its ups and downs with communication, etc. All friendships, like any other relationship, require a certain amount of give and take. Distances, time to talk, etc, all play huge factors in the stressors of a new friendship as well as maintaining older ones.

And fears can plaque friendships too. Some fears that I've had is that I'll lose my best friend status and be replaced. Or that if too much time passes without some really good interaction, my friend will lose interest and quietly, politely eliminate me from their life. Crazy huh? I'm betting though maybe you've felt that way too at times.

So lasting friendships, close friendships, take work. Not all work, sorry to say, is fun. But most work is worth it whether you may see it right now or not and though at times the work of a real friendship is hard it is very much worth it. It can change your life and help make you the man or woman you want to be.

And the encouraging news is that once a good rapport with your buddy is developed, a good solid friendship nearly runs itself. You begin to learn each other's needs/wants and learn "how to be there" when you're needed. And finally, there is a certain amount of innocent acceptance of each other's "comings" and "goings" that really can only be found with a true friend.

Geez I started out with Yin and ended up with a heaping bowl of Yang there. Ah well, let’s look at the positive then and get back to what I think a best friend is after all.

A best friend is actually a kind of love I think. Not the same love necessarily as the "getting married" kind of love although that can be the case. Simply put, and speaking outside of a marriage, a best friend is the person you'd rather spend time with above all other acquaintances and friends you have.

To put a finer point on it, and for me it’s this way, it’s the kind of love you have for a person where you think about them a lot, you wonder how their day is/went, and when you don’t get to talk to or see them everyday ... you feel kind of like a hole starts to form in your life. With me that void is healed or reset every time I get to talk to my best friend. And when we're too busy to really get together like we enjoy doing, that void begins again and grows larger with each passing moment until the next time we meet. Granted I may be the only person on the planet that feels like, or defines it this way, but there you go :)

And with a best friend they are the person you trust completely with anything. It’s the way I feel about my best friend. There isn't anything that I couldn't tell them although some things I admit are easier to talk about than others.

If you have a friend that makes you feel this way, regardless of any negatives, then chances are you have a best friend on your hands.

You should hold onto them and nurture that relationship as I intend to mine.

I'll leave you with these quotes from those far more eloquent than I. These capture, and particularly the last three, how I feel about my best friend and with more rapture than my meager mumblings may ever produce.

Friendship Quotes

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, All losses are restored and sorrows end. ~William Shakespeare

A friend is the only person you will let into the house when you are Turning Out Drawers. ~Pam Brown

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. ~Dave Tyson

Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer. ~Author

Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends. ~Virginia Woolf

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. ~Author Unknown

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart. ~Author Unknown

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me. ~Author Unknown

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