Tuesday, May 26, 2009

On the Seventh Day: Genesis of a Sandwich

San 1:1 - And after the Lord God had laboured for six days, creating the Earth and all therein; every creeping thing upon the land and every thing under the sea had he made. All things what did swim and things that did creep did God create in those six days.

San 1:2 - And on the Seventh day he rested and had a sandwich.

San 1:3 - In the beginning, the sandwich was without form and void. Darkness was upon the face of the table. And God said, let there be bread. And it was 9-grain Oat Bread.

San 1:4 - Then taking the flesh of a fowl, the lettuce leaves of Lamentations, hot banana peppers of Sheol, red onions of Gideon, and the pepper and salt of the Earth - God brought it together and assembled it.

San 1:5 - And he made the breadth thereof one eighth of one cubit and the length thereof three fourths of one cubit. The height he just let whatever happened happen - but know ye this - thou shalt not overstuff thy sandwich.

San 1:6 - Stretching forth his hand, near the Light of the Day, the Lord God toasted the bread. He saw that it was good.

San 1:7 - And seeing the good work of His hands he bestowed upon the sandwich a Nameless Condiment of Heaven. A sauce so filling, creamy and good, as to never be equaled by any sandwich topping.

San 1:8 - And God said, I love my Creation and they must have this as well. It would not be good to keep this from the Earth and its inhabitants. For this condiment is versatile as well as filling. It shall have a name they may speak.

San 1:9 - Taking his Creation to Adam, who had named everything thus far, he tasked Adam to name this Heavenly addition to Earth's flavors. And Adam called it Ranch Dressing and was immediately inspired to create Buffalo Chicken Wings. He left to attend his gas grill.

San 1:10 - God returned with the Ranch Dressing and placed a dollop atop his Sandwich. And God saw that it was good. And God took Michael the Archangel's sword and smote the Sandwich, cutting it in half.

San 1:11 - And the right half and the left half were the first Sandwich. And it was very good. Thus was born what would eventually become the Subway $5 footlong. Amen.


Heather said...

LOL - very nice! I can't say I don't enjoy the good things God gave us. :) Even if they do come from the hands of a subway employee.

Shaddy said...

Brilliant, Rob! I love this. It's perfect in every way. You really should send it to the Subway Headquarters, wherever that may be. You deserve a year's worth of free Subway sandwiches if you ask me.

You're flaming, my friend. How can you write with such genius on the first day back to work after a holiday? I tip my hat to you.

TheBakers said...

Only you could come up with something like that. Great work.