Sunday, August 16, 2009

Final Baby Pics .. OR .. The Last Tempation of Isabella

On Friday we went in for the last major ultrasound that Heather will have before the baby makes her way down the birth canal and out into the world of taxes, politics, overtime, and debt. Isabella honey, I'll try for as long as I may to tell you only of bunnies, daisies, hugs, and making silly faces.

I got to meet the lady who'd been doing the ultrasounds for some time. I have to say I wish I'd made it to more of them. Karen is really cool. She made the process fun. Honestly from what I remember, back when Josh was being bombarded with sound waves, seeing an ultrasound wasn't all that exciting. The tech we had back then sucked. But good ol Karen had been at this for 29 years ... not Bella's ultrasound only you understand, that number represents the accumulated experience of Karen.

Ok, enough about Karen right? She was cool. She makes this fun. And if you need scanned go see her. Moving on.

I entitled my post as I did because Bella has forever been camera shy. The techs have never gotten a spot on good picture of her yet really. She's always dodging. I choose to believe that because she's beautiful enough to stun us all, she also is in possession of such grace as to have the compassion to spare us the shock of wondering how we will deal with such an angel. That's daddy's story.

So no more good pics of the kids. She is in the "go" position though. That's good news. This girl is ready for launch. Also she is perfectly average in size and weight. More good news.

The little room we were in was very nice too. They dimmed the lights to see the computer screen better, always a plus for me, and it was just pleasant. Josh was sitting there, we were laughing and talking. Karen got Bella's heartbeat up on the monitor after she had made some other measurements. She cranked up the volume. I'd heard Bella's heart before.

But this time it was different.

Maybe I'm old. Maybe it's because the birth is only 3 weeks out. But I just got to thinking about that little heart.

I thought of many of the good things she'll see and many of the bad. I thought how that little heart which is beating now will at times beat for a little girl who will learn from me. Who will depend on me. At times she won't understand me or me her. We'll have ups and we'll have downs. I will protect her at all costs. Provide for her. Try to teach her as best I know how.

I thought of so many things which that (now tiny) heart will beat through.

And suddenly just like that, it all became real to me. A bond formed.

You might think I'm late to the party here. That my bond should have formed the moment I learned Heather was pregnant. And in a way it did. I loved Bella from that moment too. But on Friday things became more "solidified".

It's perhaps hard to convey. I think everyone has that moment wherein the concept/knowledge of having a child, which you love, becomes the realization of their life. Of their future. Hope for them is born. Plans are birthed before the physical birth even happens. You begin to truly dream for them. Expectations for their life arise. You begin to wonder what they will become someday, what interests they will have.

It all becomes real. All of that and more hit me in a moment.

And in closing, yes the room got a little blurry as I began to be thankful for the bond I now knew was there.

T-minus three weeks and counting.


Jennifer said...

You old softie! You just wait, if you think she can make you mush now.... you don't stand a chance post womb...

Which is of course as it should be.

joanne said...

Ahhh, just what I thought, she already has her Daddy tied around her little finger. You just wait, "Daddy can I have some money?", "Daddy can I borrow the car?" ...